I'm not a person to criticise any one we all have our own thing we are not proud of. I do say just let her figure it out on her own. A few days ago my 15 year old son told me this. "a child will always look up to their parents no matter what even if the are the worst of the worst." my kids dad is not the best dad we are divorced and he hasn't seen them in nearly 2 years and he lives 20 mins away he doesn't even call. there are times when I want to tell them how crappy he is and how much he doesn't deserve their love but I don't. my mom did that to me she always used to put my dad down in my view of him. I grew up thinking he didn't love me. when I grew old enough I found out the truth and I do resent my mom for telling me all the stuff she did about my dad. I know it was her hate against him talking but I had to pay that price. your daughter will figure out all on her own one day don't be the one who broke her heart by telling her.

I have a 12 yrs old daughter. Her bio dad is a drug addict. I have told her that he's not in a good place and he use drugs. He became a drug addict after I got pregnant adn he became abusive and I left. I don't think I have to go into much details with my daughter. Thankfully he's not around and could care less about my daughter and I have full and sole custody. When she become an adult she will understand why her bio-dad wasn't there, I don't think I have to tell more than what I said to her. My husband is her father and is the man she calls daddy. 

I am married to a recovering alcoholic. He's been sober for four years now. He will always be an alcoholic no matter how long he's been sober and I realize this. We plan to tell our children when they are old enough to understand exactly what is going on. However, if he wasn't a recovering alcoholic I would explain it when the child started asking questions or when his addictions started to affect her or her plans with him. I will also say that a lot of times no matter what a father really is little girls will still vision him as that "knight in armor" even when shown otherwise. Also who knows maybe by the time she's old enough to notice anything he's on the path of recovery?

Thank you ladies for your feedback. WOW! This is wonderful. This is very helpful! Telling my daughter that her biological father is a bad man is not going to help her in any way. I was raised by a single mother. My mother never said anything about my father's bad behavior. I realized it once I was old enough to know right from wrong. Sadly my father was not very discrete about his behavior. I learned to forgive him. And Dixie, you are right. No matter what, I still created in my mind the fantasy of having a knight in armor as a Dad. I still do!

My daughter’s biological dad is not recovering. He has been an addict for year. He has been in and out of every program under the sun. I met him while he was sober. At the time, I was not aware of his addiction issues. The issues became obvious. Then he relapsed while I was already pregnant. He went to jail for 6 months driving with a suspended license and of course, DUI.  While he was in jail, he promised to get into a long term rehab program. Once he got out, none of that happened.

He went in and never completed the program. I gave him many chances to get his act together and heal from his addiction. He basically blew it! He does not care. He has decided now to abandon my daughter. And that is his decision. I can move on and keep doing it all by myself like I have been.

His family is fed up with years of his behavior. So they have also kept their distance from my daughter. They never inquired or asked. Never showed up from day one.

I wanted to prepare myself for the day she asks me. That is why I posted this question. I am glad I did and I am so happy that you guys answered. I love the feedback and I appreciate it! A lot of people blame the women for the father's bad behavior or assume that it is our fault that the fathers walked away...I am glad that I am not by myself.

I AM VERY PROUD OF THE WORK THAT YOU ALL DO WITH YOUR KIDS! :)

I totally agree and that is why I am not planning to put him down. Addiction is a desease. But I want to be careful about what I say and how. Sooner or Later, she may find out. His name is on her birth certificate and she may want to research. I don't know! Maybe she won't care. I just don't want her to be hurt by what she learns about her father. That's all!

I love what you shared and this helps me a lot!

I was also raised by a single mom. I am the oldest of three and was old enough to somewhat know what was going on with my father  (he was physically and mentally abusive).  However, my sisters really didn't know. My mom never said a bad thing about our father. I have one sister who still thinks that he's her knight. Then my other sister wants absolutely nothing to do with him. I also had to learn to forgive him. For if I didn't he was taking way too much of my time since in order to continue to hate someone they are on your mind. When the time comes I'm sure you will find the words to tell her.

Quoting Yrivera0510:

Thank you ladies for your feedback. WOW! This is wonderful. This is very helpful! Telling my daughter that her biological father is a bad man is not going to help her in any way. I was raised by a single mother. My mother never said anything about my father's bad behavior. I realized it once I was old enough to know right from wrong. Sadly my father was not very discrete about his behavior. I learned to forgive him. And Dixie, you are right. No matter what, I still created in my mind the fantasy of having a knight in armor as a Dad. I still do!