Confessions of a bad wife: I am not my mother

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Confessions of a bad wife: I am not my mother

Posted by Jenny Mero on January 25, 2012 at 3:30 PM

My significant other has never told me that I was a terrible wife. But I know I am and my mother would probably agree.

There’s a generation of Latina women—my grandmother, mother, and mother-in-law—included that grew up thinking the best way to be a perfect wife is to maintain an organized home, cook all meals possible, and tend to your husband and kids. I’m no Martha Stewart—and I'd like to keep it that way.

I hate cleaning and doing laundry. In fact, I am terrible at it. My hubby even fired me from touching anyone’s clothes. I’d stuff our clothes into the washer and dryer, neglecting to read any care labels or pay attention to sorting. After enough pink socks and men’s shirts turned into toddler shirts, it was time to let me go. That’s why we have a cleaning lady who does all the scrubbing and laundry.  My mother was appalled when she learned we had a cleaning person. It’s outsourcing at its finest to me.

I don’t make breakfast for anyone. My son and hubby make their own breakfast 99% of the time. My mother might flip out if she knew I wasn’t up at 5 a.m. making breakfast for my tween before he went to school. She often woke up at the crack of dawn to make farina or a scrambled egg sandwich for her four kids, all while holding a full-time job. The way I see it, my son is learning how to be independent and survival skills. I’m doing him a favor, thank you.

Making sure my home is spotless and picture-ready isn’t my priority. Sorry, mom. My home isn’t meticulous and flowing with pictures so that my husband can say we’ve got the perfect home. I’m more interested in reading books like the Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides or reading my latest issue of InStyle.

Sometimes I don’t always look like I’m ready for TV. Because on most days I work from home, I don’t need to dress up to go into an office. I have found myself changing out of my pajamas before he gets home from work. It’s not because I’m worried about what he’ll think; it could be anyone walking through the door, I’d be mortified.

My hubby raised our son for the first six years of his life. Early in my career, I had to cultivate relationships, spend long hours at the office, and traveled while I was a reporter at Fortune. It eventually landed me a top editing (and equally busy) job at Selecciones. During that time of our lives, my significant other mostly raised our son.

For all the reasons I’m a terrible wife, I have some redeeming qualities that make me a good wife, I hope. Sure, I’m not slaving away at making sure our home is perfectly clean, but we’ve managed to stay together for nearly 14 years, spending time discussing politics over dinner (I promise I actually do my hair and wear normal clothes) and discovering new restaurants. It may be a new-age approach to being a wife, but it works for us.   

 Would you consider yourself a bad wife?



Replies (9) displaying 1-9
DyanaJay

I don't consider myself a bad wife but there are times when I know I could have done better.  My mother was a working mom 100% of the time and I know how much I wished she paid more attention to me so I try to do as much as I can at home and with the kids.  I try to balance out work and home as much as I can.

renee4212

My grandmother would be mortified by my 'wifeliness'

While I do the laundry (a task that I absolutely loathe), I dont iron because I can't and to be quite honest, never cared to learn. My home is presentable but not white glove ready. I cook some of the time but my tortillas do come from the grocery store. My hair and makeup is done BUT I have been known to spend the day in yoga pants if Im staying in or just going through the pick up line at my sons school. Despite all of these things, my husband thinks Im a great wife, so who am I to argue with him...lol

^*Renee*^

acrogodess

I HATE laundry. I NEVER iron clothes. 

I make breakfast a few times a month for everyone. The rest of the time they can fend for themselves with waffles, toast, sandwiches, cereal, yogurt, fruit cups, instant oatmeal...

My home is not dirty, but it is definitely messy.

I'm a jeans and t-shirt girl. Always have been always will be.

I went to college, but other than that I was a stay at home mom. The kids adore me. We have a GREAT relationship. However, even home, my home was never spotless. Lol. I've been working either nights or weekends for the past few years and the kids have missed me. Now I am working part-time from 3-6PM and the kids are so happy to have me around again. Next year, I plan to homeschool. They can't wait and neither can I.

Mom and grandma definitely think I'm a bad "wife". 

Jeannetteg

Pssssshhh nobody uses the iron in this house lol. I'm a pretty good house wife for the most part. But not as good as my mom. Her house is NEVER out of order.

GoyaSnow

shh dont tell my mom but i can relate to all of the above, im not a bad wife but there are more important things in life then making sure that everything in my house is picture perfect. yes my house is clean, yes i cook meals for my family and yes i do the laundry. and all these things i learned how to do on my own when i moved out of my parents(kinda spoiled while livingat home) but guess what the way that i do it works for me and my family, and my husband is fine with that.

bella_latina

Cleaning all day and standing over a hot stove cooking food and making tortillas a mano does not make you the perfect wife. 

I don't cook most of the time, my husband does. I don't consider myself a bad wife. I look at it like we each take a load off each other. He cooks I wash the dishes at the end of the meal.  

I don't iron my clothes unless I have to absolutely have to! I will not iron anyones clothes. My motto is if you hang it or fold it right out of the drier it will stay wrinkle free. There are days that Im too lazy to iron and I throw it in the dryer lol I know bad right?

My abuela will be screaming if she ever saw me do that. 


Krise

 I don't consider myself a bad wife at all. My hubby tells me I'm a wonderful wife, and his friends have always said they try to find a girl like me. :) I don't do the dishes, I always have a clean pile of clothes on the couch or on our bed. I don't iron, and the kids fend for themselves during the wkends on food because I don't cook on the wkends. We split the cooking. I am always behind what my hubby wants to do. I stand beside my kids when they want to try something new, and I'm all of there BIGGEST cheerleaders. The one thing my mom never did for me. All the things I don't do, yes my mom wouldn't be too pleased with but you know what... I'm really good with that.

Jeannetteg

Same here Ana!!!


Quoting bella_latina:

Cleaning all day and standing over a hot stove cooking food and making tortillas a mano does not make you the perfect wife. 

I don't cook most of the time, my husband does. I don't consider myself a bad wife. I look at it like we each take a load off each other. He cooks I wash the dishes at the end of the meal.  

I don't iron my clothes unless I have to absolutely have to! I will not iron anyones clothes. My motto is if you hang it or fold it right out of the drier it will stay wrinkle free. There are days that Im too lazy to iron and I throw it in the dryer lol I know bad right?

My abuela will be screaming if she ever saw me do that. 




ctouzet

Absolutely not!  I don't beat myself down by comparing myself to others.  I do the best that I can do within the expectations & necessities of my own household.  I often go beyond, but when I don't, no one criticizes me for it, so I sure as heck ain't going to do it myself.